Lachy likes to mess around with my falsie. At the end of the day when I’m tired and a little achey and in the privacy of my own home the object that is supposed to bring visual equilibrium to my chest takes its place on my kitchen counter. Lachy is eight and getting curious about girls, kissing and boobies. Not the curious “I am going to do something about it” phase but just curious about the ideas and the differences. Tonight while perched on the kitchen stool he held my falsie up to his own chest to demonstrate the difference between each side-clearly mirroring what he sees when he looks at me. We both cracked up.
The boys and I talked a lot about boobs this summer. I drew pictures of cells, talked about and showed them new scars and at one point showed them the mysterious blue boob (blue from the dye used during lymph node analysis). They asked! Lachy even met “the man who helps with Mom’s boobs” (aka my surgeon) at the soccer field where both our kids play. I offer to show them the hard ball beneath the skin where rightie used to be but so far they haven’t taken me up on that. They certainly can feel and see the difference from the outside.
I have three or four more fills until there is enough new space on my chest for a permanent implant on my right side. A tissue expander was placed under my peck muscle when I had the mastectomy and it has been gradually filled with saline to expand the space allowing for a permanent implant later on. I will “rest” for all of December and then have another surgery to place the implant in January. There will be a couple more procedures after that. It is a process but this part isn’t difficult. Physically a little, but mentally much easier than the process of fishing for funky cells by doing lumpectomies (I had three), waiting for pathology and then facing mastectomy. I am pretty confident I will be back in action with a half new chest by sundress, swim suit and swimming season. And no one, not even Lachy will notice a difference.