Tomorrow I get a little closer to being technically done with this BC thing. Tomorrow is alignment day. A permanent implant for righty and a nip-tuck for lefty. A new set at age 44! Never thought that would happen. They won’t be perfect but they will look symmetrical in clothes, as my plastic surgeon likes to remind me, controlling my expectations, even though I assured him my boobs have never been high on my expectations list. It has been odd moving from the super intense BC phase to the beautification, plastic phase. And while I would like to say my mind has changed phases, and relaxed a bit, it hasn’t. I am in full BC warrior mode and I think it is possible I may be here for some time. Maybe not fully ready for war but on high alert.
For me, being alert doesn’t mean that I am crippled from doing anything else, it just means BC doesn’t ever get too far from me. It’s like anything else that is on the Top 10 List of Seriously Important Stuff-those things are always close to the surface. And BC isn’t totally a negative thing for me either. It is not something I just want to forget ever happened. I got something from cancer (besides the crappy cells). It didn’t just take from me, I got something from it that I can’t totally verbalize yet. I realize that sounds a little crazy.
So tomorrow, besides pretty boobies, my plastic guy will also send part of lefty to pathology. There is about a 2% chance that they will find something in the sample that wasn’t picked up on the MRI or mammograms-and explains continued warrior mode. In another month, righty will be completed by my sculptor surgeon and a tattoo artist. (Google that if you are curious!) Once I get the all clear about lefty, the warrior will chill out a bit and go to just on alert mode. That feels like the right place to be with BC.