Writing isn’t new for me. I have been doing it most of my life, in different ways. I have a couple boxes full of big, hard covered, black books. They are a sloppy mess, illegible at times. Pieces of paper falling out, yellow pictures, rips, little drawings and lots and lots of purged emotion. These books have been all over with me. Languages change, landscapes are different than the everyday and words clearly not written in one place. There are pages and pages the first days after each child came and blank spots when the little guys became less quiet and all consuming, too consuming for words to be committed. And lots and lots of love and heartbreak, sometimes both colossal. My head is also in there, not just in the high emotional drama that drives my pencil often but the ideas that only get clearly defined if I get them out of my brain onto paper. Ideas that I am not sure will ever go anywhere but ideas that have still been worth the paper space. These books are my history and for me history seems more permanent written versus just remembered.
I still write in those black books sometimes, more often on my IPad now, and I still collect and purge, privately, but now I have added another way to write and maybe another purpose. This other way started when I had lots of time and when I had something big going on, big enough to scare the crap out of me. It motivated me and drove me out of my head and out of privacy. This writing is disciplined and very public and sometimes I get feedback from all over the world. And sometimes, face to face, people bring up things I forgot I wrote about or sometimes someone who I am pretty sure has never read Sunny Side, surprises me. But most of the time my words just hang out, sometimes read, sometimes not and I never really know by whom, but it doesn’t really matter either. Sunny Side is a collection that if you read it whole, it would give you most of me, a cleaned up, more concise version at least. And really it is for my kids, for later and it is something I love.
A couple months ago after a crappy day at work I sent one of my blog posts to a new online cooking magazine. A whim. I was fantasizing about not having to clock in everyday and deal with the insanity that is sometimes my office so I sent them something and they actually liked it and are publishing it this week and it may actually be read by a crap load more people than have ever read anything on my little Sunny Side blog. I feel like I have been graded and I got an A and lord knows I haven’t had many of those on my writing (I know exactly how many-two!). It also makes me think that perhaps there is more writing that can be done and maybe another door to open and it makes me curious to see where that opening leads. Maybe it leads me right back to my black books and pencils and my IPad, which isn’t no where, it is a place that I really like.